It can be difficult for parents to navigate the mixed signals from middle schoolers, who often exclaim, “Go away, I need you!” in the same breath. Here are some helpful reminders for parents and educators alike:
- Ask: “What’s the hardest part of getting school work done?” It’s rarely about motivation. This helps you see what’s underneath the issue, so you can begin scaffolding that actually fits.
- “Have you noticed when you seem to focus best?” Morning? After snack? At school but not at home? You’re helping them get curious about their brain, not just follow rules.
- “What feels embarrassing or stressful about school right now?” If they’re avoiding something, chances are they feel shame. Bringing it up without an agenda makes it safer to talk about.
- “What helps you get started when you don’t feel like doing assignments?” This builds executive function, not just compliance. Help them name what works so they can honor their unique makeup.
- “Has anything about school felt a little easier lately?” Progress without pressure. You’re showing them how to track growth and build on it.
- “What would feel like a win for you at school this week?” One assignment? One conversation with a teacher? Defining success for themselves helps your middle schooler feel capable.
- “Is school mostly about grades for you or something else?” Middle schoolers are meaning makers. This helps them connect effort to their values, not just adult expectations.
- “What do you wish I understood about school right now?” It makes you a teammate, not a taskmaster.
If you’re an educator, consider how you might share these tips with families. They were adapted from the middle school parent coach, Bridget KerMorris, with your students’ families. She can be found on Instagram at bridget.parentcoach.